Chaturb-Hate on Chaturbate

A few months ago I discovered Chaturbate. It was the first cam site I'd ever seen, and in all kinds of ways I thought it was wonderful; an explosion of sexual freedom, energy and expression. My experiences on the site, as a viewer and a chatter, have been largely positive. However there is one aspect of the experience that has not been positive, and that is the appalling way some people (mostly, possibly exclusively, male) behave in the chat.

While there are many wonderful men and women in the chat, people who are smart, pleasant, funny and engaging, it has to be said that there are also a large number of people who are none of those things. There are people who are rude, ignorant, demanding, sexist, insulting, misogynistic. Some chat rooms are absolute cesspits of moronic, hateful jabbering that make it impossible for me to be there - I can't stand it. I find it painful, unbearable. Sometimes, in some out-of-control rooms, I feel embarrassed to be there, ashamed to be associated with such people, ashamed to be sharing the same virtual space with them.

The litany of appalling behaviour ranges from basic rudeness to the shockingly offensive. Men issuing commands to the broadcaster is a fairly common thing. show pussy bb. spread lips for me. show ass. SHOW ASS. Sometimes, when these demands (some people call them requests: they are not requests, they are issued as orders, commands) are not met, the person will become increasingly rude and insulting. An unacknowledged, unfulfilled request to SHOW ASS can quickly turn into a SHOW ASS BITCH. When I see stuff like this, I wince - I actually feel pain shoot through my body. And this is at the milder end of the spectrum of dickish behaviour. It can get much worse than this, much more insulting and aggressive, and occasionally I've seen comments so ugly that they are positively chilling, and lead me to question just how disturbed the person is who typed them.

I've seen several cam performers write on twitter about some of the appalling abuse they've received online, and I've seen for myself broadcasters become visibly upset by some particularly offensive comment aimed at her in the chat. I've also seen female broadcasters laugh at dickish, insulting comments, not troubled by it at all. And sometimes that's been my reaction too. But it's the accumulative weight of the ignorance and misogyny and abuse that eventually gets to people - it's something I find very difficult to take and I'm just a viewer, so I can't imagine what it must be like for the broadcaster.

The bigger question for me, one I have no answer for, is this: Why does female sexuality provoke such hatred in some men? (And it possibly does in some women too.) Throughout history, in myriad ways, female sexuality has been seen as something to be feared, controlled, suppressed - or its very existence has been denied altogether. The labels attached to a sexually active woman have always had a derogatory tone - and they still do. There is still a fear and suspicion of female sexuality, even now - although it is changing, gradually, slowly, incrementally, I think we are moving in a more positive direction. I think. I hope. But when I see an out-of-control chat room, and I see a torrent of moronic, insulting abuse being typed, what I really see is a collective male psyche having an epileptic fit in the face of female sexuality asserting and expressing itself on its own terms. Maybe this is why some men feel the need to issue orders in the chat, to reassert their authority? Or maybe they just feel they have the right to demand anything they want of a woman? I don't know.

And this gets to the crux of why I have found Chaturbate so fascinating and compelling. I'd never looked at a cam site before Chaturbate because I imagined they'd be something that reinforced traditional gender sexual stereotypes - but on Chaturbate I've seen something that challenges traditional gender stereotypes, turns them on their head, and I didn't expect that at all. On Chaturbate I've seen something that is very positive and truly liberating - liberating for me, in ways that I can't really articulate and don't yet fully understand.

But coming back to rude and offensive behaviour, a well-modded room of course makes all the difference in governing the mood and behaviour of the chat. Seriously, a good moderator can impact on my enjoyment of a room almost as much as what's happening on the screen. A poorly modded room, or a room without a moderator, is a place that I can rarely stay in for more than a few minutes, if for any time at all, no matter what is happening on screen.

Some men, clearly, want to use Chaturbate, and undoubtedly other cam sites too, as a place to vent their hatred and insecurity. But what I see when I see a camgirl on Chaturbate is this:

I see beauty and intelligence. I see courage, tremendous courage. I see strength. I see sexy and funny. I see generosity. I see confidence. I see self assurance and self determination. And I see freedom, liberation, self-actualisation.

It is a wonderful, wholly positive experience - or at least it should be - that only brings pleasure and harms no one. These are fleeting moments in time, and the correct response, as far as I'm concerned, is one of gratitude and appreciation.