Britney Amber from Realitykings.com
Friday, 31 October 2014
Sympathy For The Tipper...
I'm used to feeling sympathy for a cam girl on Chaturbate when some assclown in the chat comes out with an awful, hurtful comment directed towards her. That's a fairly common experience. But there's only one time I can think of when the roles were reversed, and I felt sympathy for a person in the chat because of the way the cam girl spoke to him.
Yesterday I wrote about the subject of tipping, and it was while writing it that I remembered the following incident, from perhaps a couple of months ago, an example of when tipping backfired for someone.
I was in the very busy room of a very popular girl who always attracts high viewer numbers and lots of high tips. She was quite early into doing her show and nothing overtly sexual was happening on screen.
In the chat, the tip bell rang, and a small tip appeared from a user. I don't recall the amount, but it was a small tip. Let's say 20 tokens.
He followed this up with a very politely worded request for the cam girl. I don't recall what exactly the request was, but I remember the following things about it:
It was something utterly innocuous, not sexual at all. It was totally in context with what was happening on screen - it wasn't some bizarre request from left-field. And it was very politely worded - there was a 'would you mind?' and a 'please?' It was short, succinct, in context, and polite.
I think it was something to do with seeing her feet - or something like that. I've got feet in my head for some reason. But the request wasn't just out of the blue. Let's say she'd had her feet on camera for the last ten minutes, then moved them out of shot. His request was something like, 'Would you mind moving your feet back into shot, please?'
So he tipped 20 tokens and made his request.
The cam girl read it and responded by saying that she'd do it for a certain number of tokens - I don't recall the exact amount. Let's say 50 tokens.
A few seconds passed and then the tip bell rang again and there on the screen was a tip from the guy for 30 tokens.
The cam girl, on seeing his tip, tells him, 'I said 50 tokens, not 30.'
The man replied with something like, 'Yes, I tipped 20 before and that was the other 30.'
The cam girl, a look of disgust on her face, her voice dripping with sarcasm, says, 'Oh, you tipped 20 before? So now we're adding up tips, are we?' She shook her head and told him that no, it doesn't work like that.
I thought her manner was really patronising. She talked down to him, and I felt she humiliated him in front of everyone. His request had been really, really, really tame, and to be honest I felt surprised that she'd asked for 50 tokens to fulfil it. Of course, she can run her room however she wants, do whatever she wants, but her manner of looking down her nose at the guy really bugged me. It seemed so unnecessary. Agree to do something or don't agree to do it, but don't talk to people like they're pieces of shit.
She didn't fulfil his request and the guy went quiet. I felt really sorry for him. He'd made a small tip, a polite request, and then obviously misunderstanding the situation had tipped again, but not enough. And all he'd got for it was to be mildly humiliated in front of everyone. And from the very little I'd seen of him in the chat, he seemed like a sweet guy who didn't deserve it.
I thought about pm-ing him as a little show of support, but I didn't do it. And had I had more tokens I'd have tipped 50 with the same request as him so that he got his request fulfilled anyway.
The truth is I felt angry. It is - as far as I can recall - the only time I've felt angry at a cam girl, at the utterly condescending, dismissive way she spoke to him. He'd tipped 50 tokens, and been polite, and at the very least I think he deserved to be spoken to with basic politeness. 50 tokens cost $5 to buy, and to some people that might be a lot of money, yet I felt she was utterly dismissive of his tip.
In the moments that followed I think I detected a look of embarrassment on the cam girl's face, as if she knew her manner has been too sharp and she realised she'd been utterly condescending towards him, but maybe I was just projecting that onto her.
And the fact is that at that moment, the cam girl lost me. She's a lovely girl, usually, but at that moment, she lost me - as a viewer and as a tipper.
Yesterday I wrote about the subject of tipping, and it was while writing it that I remembered the following incident, from perhaps a couple of months ago, an example of when tipping backfired for someone.
I was in the very busy room of a very popular girl who always attracts high viewer numbers and lots of high tips. She was quite early into doing her show and nothing overtly sexual was happening on screen.
In the chat, the tip bell rang, and a small tip appeared from a user. I don't recall the amount, but it was a small tip. Let's say 20 tokens.
He followed this up with a very politely worded request for the cam girl. I don't recall what exactly the request was, but I remember the following things about it:
It was something utterly innocuous, not sexual at all. It was totally in context with what was happening on screen - it wasn't some bizarre request from left-field. And it was very politely worded - there was a 'would you mind?' and a 'please?' It was short, succinct, in context, and polite.
I think it was something to do with seeing her feet - or something like that. I've got feet in my head for some reason. But the request wasn't just out of the blue. Let's say she'd had her feet on camera for the last ten minutes, then moved them out of shot. His request was something like, 'Would you mind moving your feet back into shot, please?'
So he tipped 20 tokens and made his request.
The cam girl read it and responded by saying that she'd do it for a certain number of tokens - I don't recall the exact amount. Let's say 50 tokens.
A few seconds passed and then the tip bell rang again and there on the screen was a tip from the guy for 30 tokens.
The cam girl, on seeing his tip, tells him, 'I said 50 tokens, not 30.'
The man replied with something like, 'Yes, I tipped 20 before and that was the other 30.'
The cam girl, a look of disgust on her face, her voice dripping with sarcasm, says, 'Oh, you tipped 20 before? So now we're adding up tips, are we?' She shook her head and told him that no, it doesn't work like that.
I thought her manner was really patronising. She talked down to him, and I felt she humiliated him in front of everyone. His request had been really, really, really tame, and to be honest I felt surprised that she'd asked for 50 tokens to fulfil it. Of course, she can run her room however she wants, do whatever she wants, but her manner of looking down her nose at the guy really bugged me. It seemed so unnecessary. Agree to do something or don't agree to do it, but don't talk to people like they're pieces of shit.
She didn't fulfil his request and the guy went quiet. I felt really sorry for him. He'd made a small tip, a polite request, and then obviously misunderstanding the situation had tipped again, but not enough. And all he'd got for it was to be mildly humiliated in front of everyone. And from the very little I'd seen of him in the chat, he seemed like a sweet guy who didn't deserve it.
I thought about pm-ing him as a little show of support, but I didn't do it. And had I had more tokens I'd have tipped 50 with the same request as him so that he got his request fulfilled anyway.
The truth is I felt angry. It is - as far as I can recall - the only time I've felt angry at a cam girl, at the utterly condescending, dismissive way she spoke to him. He'd tipped 50 tokens, and been polite, and at the very least I think he deserved to be spoken to with basic politeness. 50 tokens cost $5 to buy, and to some people that might be a lot of money, yet I felt she was utterly dismissive of his tip.
In the moments that followed I think I detected a look of embarrassment on the cam girl's face, as if she knew her manner has been too sharp and she realised she'd been utterly condescending towards him, but maybe I was just projecting that onto her.
And the fact is that at that moment, the cam girl lost me. She's a lovely girl, usually, but at that moment, she lost me - as a viewer and as a tipper.
Thursday, 30 October 2014
Wednesday, 29 October 2014
Chaturbate - On Tipping
Yesterday I wrote a little about how Chaturbate had confounded my preconceptions about what a cam site would be. In it I focused a great deal on the fact that it's free, and although I only meant it in the sense that by it being free to watch, it changed the dynamic of paying money from 'buying' a sexual service to one of tipping to show support and gratitude, I'm still concerned that what I wrote may have given the wrong impression, the impression that I don't want to pay - which isn't true. So in this post I want to focus a little on the subject of tipping.
Firstly, I want to say this - and throughout this post I'm going to use feminine pronouns when I refer to Chaturbate broadcasters, simply for the sake of consistency and to avoid pronoun chaos, but I don't mean to be disrespectful to males or couples who broadcast; it's just to make the writing easier. So, firstly, I want to say this: anyone who broadcasts on Chaturbate, or any other cam site for that matter, deserves every single tip she gets - and then some. I have nothing but admiration for anyone who does it.
I think it takes real courage to do. Every person will have a different reason for doing it, every person will maybe want something different from it, but whoever you are and whatever your reasons are for doing it, know this: I admire the fuck out of you for having the courage to do it.
So, on the subject of tipping... Following on from yesterday's post, it is generally true that I tip to show my gratitude to the girl on screen, because I want to do my little bit to help support what she does. I don't generally tip because I want something in return. I don't generally tip with the idea that I'm somehow 'buying' something. In fact, every time I tip, I do so expecting nothing and wanting nothing in return.
This isn't because I'm 'nice'. I'm not nice. I'm selfish. It's just that that isn't what I want from a camming experience - in fact, it's the antithesis of what I want from a camming experience. The appeal for me doesn't lie in controlling the woman on screen, having her do what I want her to do. She isn't a sex-puppet there to respond to my commands, and if that's all the experience offered, I'd have no interest in it.
So, generally speaking, I tip to show my gratitude and support, and this is something that I feel comfortable with.
The one notable exception to this is if I buy a ticket for a ticket-only show. Then, of course, I expect something in return, in that I expect to gain admittance to the show - if I didn't, I'd be pretty pissed. But beyond that - beyond the fact of gaining entry - I don't feel that I have the right to demand or expect anything in terms of what happens in the show. I'm just paying to get in.
To be honest, the subject of tipping can cause me terrible anxiety - in that I never feel able to tip the amounts that I would like to tip. I can't afford it.
Since discovering Chaturbate in the middle of July, I've consistently bought and tipped 1000 tokens per month, which is the best that I am able to do at the moment.
1000 tokens per months only equates to 33 tokens per day, so I do need to be careful how I tip, otherwise they can disappear very quickly. Sometimes I need to take several days off from Chaturbate, simply because I can't afford to tip anything, and if I can't tip anything then I don't feel as though I have any right to be in a room, I don't feel as though I have any right to watch.
This doesn't mean that I tip in every single room I go in, because I don't. It would be impossible for me. I check out different rooms all the time, and sometimes my stay is brief and I move on. Sometimes I look at rooms, not because I want to watch at the time, but because I'm looking for interesting people to follow for future reference. But if I spend any serious amount of time in a room, if I like what I see, and certainly if I engage in the chat, then I will always tip something. It might just be 25 tokens, or 50 tokens, or even 70-100 tokens. But I will always tip something.
I can sometimes feel embarrassed about tipping a small amount - which is all kinds of crazy; because a small tip has to be better than no tip at all, doesn't it? And it can frustrate me - deeply frustrate me - that more people don't tip small amounts, that more people don't get involved in the tipping. The down side to Chaturbate being free to view is that inevitably a lot of people use it as a free service, and contribute nothing.
I estimate that in any given room at any time, approximately 90% - or slightly higher - of the people there are 'grey' users, meaning that they have no tokens and no ability to tip. And of the remaining 8% or 9% of the people there, I'd say that it's usually the case that fewer than half of them tip. From what I've seen during my time on Chaturbate, it's mostly the case - not always, but mostly - that all of the tips in a room come from 2% to 4% of the people there. It's generally a tiny minority of people who tip.
If this 2% to 4% of people who tip could somehow magically turn into 10% to 20% of people tipping - just modest amounts - then what a far better experience Chaturbate and camming would be for everyone involved.
But if I have no tokens, or I'm running low on them and I want to conserve them, and I know I can't tip, then I generally feel that I don't have the right to be in any girl's room for any length of time - and I certainly don't feel as though I have the right to participate in the chat. Maybe I should loosen up on this, I don't know. I just feel embarrassed to be in a room for any length of time and not contribute anything - and the anxiety this causes me outweighs any pleasure that I might otherwise get from the experience.
Of course, when I am running low on tokens, there are always the exhibitionist cams. And not just when I'm running low on tokens either - one of my favourite broadcasters is an 'exhibitionist' and doesn't accept tokens. In her room I've had some of the most electrifyingly intense experiences I've had anywhere on Chaturbate. She's a Feeling like no other.
I tip for all sorts of reasons. If what I'm seeing is hot, then I will tip. If I'm a regular in a room, then I will tip. And often I will tip just because someone seems nice. I've tipped in rooms where I've missed all of the sexual action, just because the woman on screen seems like such a lovely person and I feel compelled to contribute something.
The times I am less inclined to tip are when tips are being demanded of me. Now, I fully understand a broadcaster's frustration - and even anger - if it's a slow night and tips are not forthcoming. I totally get it. I feel that frustration too, just as a viewer. But the fact remains that for me personally, I hate having demands made of me. I have a very contrary nature, and if I arrive in a room at a time when the performer is haranguing the viewers for tips, then I will almost certainly immediately leave. If the first words I hear on entering a room are, 'C'mon, guys!', (this is even worse when delivered by a man if I'm in a couple's room), then I will exit the room as quickly as I can. Because I just don't want the stress of it!
(An exception to this could well be if it happened in a room where I was a regular and I was familiar with the girl, and had some context to put it into. But if I go into a new room, and the first words I hear are, 'C'mon guys!' then I will be sure to leave.)
Maybe this is why I feel so uncomfortable with the thought of telling the girl on camera what to do, or what I'd like her to do - because I so utterly detest being told what to do myself.
If I were a broadcaster on Chaturbate I'd probably end up silencing or banning 90% of the people who came into my room. I'd just sit there telling everyone to go fuck themselves, and don't tell me what to do. I honestly don't know how the girls on camera put up with the shit they do - they must have levels of tolerance, patience and resilience that I singularly lack.
So, to close, let me just say this. I buy the tokens that I can and tip what I can, and sometimes it pains me that I can't do more, but I do the best I can. And the truth is that the women and couples whom I have seen on Chaturbate have given me far more than I have given them. But this would still be true had I tipped ten times, or a hundred times, the amount I have. I would still feel indebted to them, and the scales would still not be equal.
Like I said at the beginning, I admire the fuck out of all of them.
Firstly, I want to say this - and throughout this post I'm going to use feminine pronouns when I refer to Chaturbate broadcasters, simply for the sake of consistency and to avoid pronoun chaos, but I don't mean to be disrespectful to males or couples who broadcast; it's just to make the writing easier. So, firstly, I want to say this: anyone who broadcasts on Chaturbate, or any other cam site for that matter, deserves every single tip she gets - and then some. I have nothing but admiration for anyone who does it.
I think it takes real courage to do. Every person will have a different reason for doing it, every person will maybe want something different from it, but whoever you are and whatever your reasons are for doing it, know this: I admire the fuck out of you for having the courage to do it.
So, on the subject of tipping... Following on from yesterday's post, it is generally true that I tip to show my gratitude to the girl on screen, because I want to do my little bit to help support what she does. I don't generally tip because I want something in return. I don't generally tip with the idea that I'm somehow 'buying' something. In fact, every time I tip, I do so expecting nothing and wanting nothing in return.
This isn't because I'm 'nice'. I'm not nice. I'm selfish. It's just that that isn't what I want from a camming experience - in fact, it's the antithesis of what I want from a camming experience. The appeal for me doesn't lie in controlling the woman on screen, having her do what I want her to do. She isn't a sex-puppet there to respond to my commands, and if that's all the experience offered, I'd have no interest in it.
So, generally speaking, I tip to show my gratitude and support, and this is something that I feel comfortable with.
The one notable exception to this is if I buy a ticket for a ticket-only show. Then, of course, I expect something in return, in that I expect to gain admittance to the show - if I didn't, I'd be pretty pissed. But beyond that - beyond the fact of gaining entry - I don't feel that I have the right to demand or expect anything in terms of what happens in the show. I'm just paying to get in.
To be honest, the subject of tipping can cause me terrible anxiety - in that I never feel able to tip the amounts that I would like to tip. I can't afford it.
Since discovering Chaturbate in the middle of July, I've consistently bought and tipped 1000 tokens per month, which is the best that I am able to do at the moment.
1000 tokens per months only equates to 33 tokens per day, so I do need to be careful how I tip, otherwise they can disappear very quickly. Sometimes I need to take several days off from Chaturbate, simply because I can't afford to tip anything, and if I can't tip anything then I don't feel as though I have any right to be in a room, I don't feel as though I have any right to watch.
This doesn't mean that I tip in every single room I go in, because I don't. It would be impossible for me. I check out different rooms all the time, and sometimes my stay is brief and I move on. Sometimes I look at rooms, not because I want to watch at the time, but because I'm looking for interesting people to follow for future reference. But if I spend any serious amount of time in a room, if I like what I see, and certainly if I engage in the chat, then I will always tip something. It might just be 25 tokens, or 50 tokens, or even 70-100 tokens. But I will always tip something.
I can sometimes feel embarrassed about tipping a small amount - which is all kinds of crazy; because a small tip has to be better than no tip at all, doesn't it? And it can frustrate me - deeply frustrate me - that more people don't tip small amounts, that more people don't get involved in the tipping. The down side to Chaturbate being free to view is that inevitably a lot of people use it as a free service, and contribute nothing.
I estimate that in any given room at any time, approximately 90% - or slightly higher - of the people there are 'grey' users, meaning that they have no tokens and no ability to tip. And of the remaining 8% or 9% of the people there, I'd say that it's usually the case that fewer than half of them tip. From what I've seen during my time on Chaturbate, it's mostly the case - not always, but mostly - that all of the tips in a room come from 2% to 4% of the people there. It's generally a tiny minority of people who tip.
If this 2% to 4% of people who tip could somehow magically turn into 10% to 20% of people tipping - just modest amounts - then what a far better experience Chaturbate and camming would be for everyone involved.
But if I have no tokens, or I'm running low on them and I want to conserve them, and I know I can't tip, then I generally feel that I don't have the right to be in any girl's room for any length of time - and I certainly don't feel as though I have the right to participate in the chat. Maybe I should loosen up on this, I don't know. I just feel embarrassed to be in a room for any length of time and not contribute anything - and the anxiety this causes me outweighs any pleasure that I might otherwise get from the experience.
Of course, when I am running low on tokens, there are always the exhibitionist cams. And not just when I'm running low on tokens either - one of my favourite broadcasters is an 'exhibitionist' and doesn't accept tokens. In her room I've had some of the most electrifyingly intense experiences I've had anywhere on Chaturbate. She's a Feeling like no other.
I tip for all sorts of reasons. If what I'm seeing is hot, then I will tip. If I'm a regular in a room, then I will tip. And often I will tip just because someone seems nice. I've tipped in rooms where I've missed all of the sexual action, just because the woman on screen seems like such a lovely person and I feel compelled to contribute something.
The times I am less inclined to tip are when tips are being demanded of me. Now, I fully understand a broadcaster's frustration - and even anger - if it's a slow night and tips are not forthcoming. I totally get it. I feel that frustration too, just as a viewer. But the fact remains that for me personally, I hate having demands made of me. I have a very contrary nature, and if I arrive in a room at a time when the performer is haranguing the viewers for tips, then I will almost certainly immediately leave. If the first words I hear on entering a room are, 'C'mon, guys!', (this is even worse when delivered by a man if I'm in a couple's room), then I will exit the room as quickly as I can. Because I just don't want the stress of it!
(An exception to this could well be if it happened in a room where I was a regular and I was familiar with the girl, and had some context to put it into. But if I go into a new room, and the first words I hear are, 'C'mon guys!' then I will be sure to leave.)
Maybe this is why I feel so uncomfortable with the thought of telling the girl on camera what to do, or what I'd like her to do - because I so utterly detest being told what to do myself.
If I were a broadcaster on Chaturbate I'd probably end up silencing or banning 90% of the people who came into my room. I'd just sit there telling everyone to go fuck themselves, and don't tell me what to do. I honestly don't know how the girls on camera put up with the shit they do - they must have levels of tolerance, patience and resilience that I singularly lack.
So, to close, let me just say this. I buy the tokens that I can and tip what I can, and sometimes it pains me that I can't do more, but I do the best I can. And the truth is that the women and couples whom I have seen on Chaturbate have given me far more than I have given them. But this would still be true had I tipped ten times, or a hundred times, the amount I have. I would still feel indebted to them, and the scales would still not be equal.
Like I said at the beginning, I admire the fuck out of all of them.
Chaturbate - On Confounded Expectations
Before July of this year I'd never looked at a cam site, and then I saw Chaturbate. To date it is the only cam site I've ever seen, and in all sorts of ways it totally confounded my expectations about what a cam site would be. I found it to be explosively exciting, and in this post I want to look at some of the ways it has surprised me, and how and why it has confounded my expectations so much.
The first thing that surprised me about Chaturbate is this: it's free. It's properly free.
Now, that makes me sound cheap, but I don't mean it in a cheap way. I spend money on Chaturbate and I tip, and I am very happy to do so. I mean something else entirely, so I need to explain.
The preconceived idea I had about cam sites was this: that a woman would chat on camera, and that nothing sexual would happen until I paid a premium-rate-per-minute for her to perform some sort of sexual act for a specific amount of time.
I imagined a one-to-one private show scenario, basically a pay-per-minute masturbation show.
Now, that will appeal to a lot of people, and a lot of women on Chaturbate offer one-to-one private shows and make a lot of money from them. It's all good. But I can only speak for myself and what appeals to me, and that type of thing doesn't appeal to me at all. And it's not about the money, it's about the dynamic of it. The idea of a paid-for sexual performance that's specifically for me just doesn't interest me.
I can imagine having cam-sex with a girlfriend, with a woman whom I'm in an intimate relationship with, but I can't really imagine that one-to-one experience with a woman I don't know. I'd just feel weird about it.
Chaturbate offers a different experience to this in a number of ways. Firstly, it's a communal experience, not a one-to-one experience. This alone changes everything for me, and makes it something really exciting. And secondly, it's about the issue of it being free to watch, to participate, to get involved in the chat.
This matters to me, not because I think, "Oh, I don't have to pay." It matters simply because it shifts the dynamic of what it means to tip. Tipping becomes about showing appreciation and gratitude, rather than about 'buying' a sexual performance.
And, yes, it's often the case that the broadcaster will set a goal and people will collectively tip in order to help her reach the goal - and I'm fine with that. I enjoy being a part of it, and it can be fun (assuming that there are enough people who participate in the tipping).
But even then, even when I'm tipping towards a goal, I'm still really tipping out of gratitude and appreciation. And if and when the goal is reached then it's been a collective endeavour, and the result is for everyone. It's not specifically for me.
This distinction I'm making between tipping to 'buy' something and tipping to show appreciation might seem like a pedantic or insignificant one to some people. But to me it is everything, to me there is a world of difference between the two things. And it isn't that I think there is anything wrong with tipping to 'buy' something, because there clearly isn't - without it, many women and couples who cam professionally would no longer be able to earn a living. I'm just speaking personally about what does and doesn't appeal to me, and what I'm comfortable with.
What definitely does appeal to me is the communal nature of much of what I've experienced on Chaturbate. Although I have written elsewhere about some of the terrible behaviour I've seen in the chat, it is also true - it is primarily true - that that there are one hell of a lot of fantastic people I've seen in the chat, people who are positive and warm and friendly, and damn funny at times. I love this sense of community, and the positive atmosphere it can generate, and I love how this positivity and warmth is directed towards the woman - or couple - on camera.
When I imagined what a cam site would be like, I imagined a fake sexual performance. But what I have seen on Chaturbate has felt anything but fake. It has felt extremely authentic. And I don't just mean in terms of a woman having a real orgasm - I mean something bigger and broader than that; the sexuality on screen feeling real, something that's natural and true, rather than it being a performance to please a male (or female, I suppose) viewer. And I love this about it - that it does feel natural, that it doesn't feel fake; and this ties in with what I've said about tipping not to 'buy' something, but out of appreciation. Something about the act of 'buying' a sexual performance somehow makes it inherently 'fake' to me, artificial, or maybe even something more subtle and elusive than that which I can't quite express; something about it takes away the very thing that would make it exciting, which is authenticity. And, speaking generally, what I have seen on Chaturbate has felt very real - sexually raw and authentic and true and at times explosively exciting. It is a million, million miles away from the artificial paid-for sexual performance that I thought cam sites had to offer, and which is why I'd never looked at one.
I am interested in the masks we wear as human beings, the personas we adopt, the face that we show to the world. I'm interested in peeling them away and getting to know the real person. I am drawn to people who are in touch with themselves and can be genuine. I'm not really interested in people who have little self-awareness, and my direct, probing conversation will probably feel a bit weird and intrusive to them. I am chronically bad at small talk, to the point of being socially incompetent.
There is something about what I have seen on Chaturbate that is part of peeling away the social mask - in a sexual sense - that I find compelling. People's sexuality is allowed room to breath, and a group of viewers shower warmth and praise - and money - upon them. I can find it electrifying, intensely exciting, super hot, and at times something quite beautiful to behold. Not seedy or dirty or shameful - or any of the other nonsense we can internalise about sex - but simply beautiful.
So these are just some of the ways that Chaturbate confounded my expectations about cam sites - the communal nature of it, the way tipping works, the raw sexual power of much of what I've seen, plus the extraordinary breadth and diversity of the women and couples who broadcast on it. For me it has been a veritable explosion of sexual energy, freedom and expression.
The first thing that surprised me about Chaturbate is this: it's free. It's properly free.
Now, that makes me sound cheap, but I don't mean it in a cheap way. I spend money on Chaturbate and I tip, and I am very happy to do so. I mean something else entirely, so I need to explain.
The preconceived idea I had about cam sites was this: that a woman would chat on camera, and that nothing sexual would happen until I paid a premium-rate-per-minute for her to perform some sort of sexual act for a specific amount of time.
I imagined a one-to-one private show scenario, basically a pay-per-minute masturbation show.
Now, that will appeal to a lot of people, and a lot of women on Chaturbate offer one-to-one private shows and make a lot of money from them. It's all good. But I can only speak for myself and what appeals to me, and that type of thing doesn't appeal to me at all. And it's not about the money, it's about the dynamic of it. The idea of a paid-for sexual performance that's specifically for me just doesn't interest me.
I can imagine having cam-sex with a girlfriend, with a woman whom I'm in an intimate relationship with, but I can't really imagine that one-to-one experience with a woman I don't know. I'd just feel weird about it.
Chaturbate offers a different experience to this in a number of ways. Firstly, it's a communal experience, not a one-to-one experience. This alone changes everything for me, and makes it something really exciting. And secondly, it's about the issue of it being free to watch, to participate, to get involved in the chat.
This matters to me, not because I think, "Oh, I don't have to pay." It matters simply because it shifts the dynamic of what it means to tip. Tipping becomes about showing appreciation and gratitude, rather than about 'buying' a sexual performance.
And, yes, it's often the case that the broadcaster will set a goal and people will collectively tip in order to help her reach the goal - and I'm fine with that. I enjoy being a part of it, and it can be fun (assuming that there are enough people who participate in the tipping).
But even then, even when I'm tipping towards a goal, I'm still really tipping out of gratitude and appreciation. And if and when the goal is reached then it's been a collective endeavour, and the result is for everyone. It's not specifically for me.
This distinction I'm making between tipping to 'buy' something and tipping to show appreciation might seem like a pedantic or insignificant one to some people. But to me it is everything, to me there is a world of difference between the two things. And it isn't that I think there is anything wrong with tipping to 'buy' something, because there clearly isn't - without it, many women and couples who cam professionally would no longer be able to earn a living. I'm just speaking personally about what does and doesn't appeal to me, and what I'm comfortable with.
What definitely does appeal to me is the communal nature of much of what I've experienced on Chaturbate. Although I have written elsewhere about some of the terrible behaviour I've seen in the chat, it is also true - it is primarily true - that that there are one hell of a lot of fantastic people I've seen in the chat, people who are positive and warm and friendly, and damn funny at times. I love this sense of community, and the positive atmosphere it can generate, and I love how this positivity and warmth is directed towards the woman - or couple - on camera.
When I imagined what a cam site would be like, I imagined a fake sexual performance. But what I have seen on Chaturbate has felt anything but fake. It has felt extremely authentic. And I don't just mean in terms of a woman having a real orgasm - I mean something bigger and broader than that; the sexuality on screen feeling real, something that's natural and true, rather than it being a performance to please a male (or female, I suppose) viewer. And I love this about it - that it does feel natural, that it doesn't feel fake; and this ties in with what I've said about tipping not to 'buy' something, but out of appreciation. Something about the act of 'buying' a sexual performance somehow makes it inherently 'fake' to me, artificial, or maybe even something more subtle and elusive than that which I can't quite express; something about it takes away the very thing that would make it exciting, which is authenticity. And, speaking generally, what I have seen on Chaturbate has felt very real - sexually raw and authentic and true and at times explosively exciting. It is a million, million miles away from the artificial paid-for sexual performance that I thought cam sites had to offer, and which is why I'd never looked at one.
I am interested in the masks we wear as human beings, the personas we adopt, the face that we show to the world. I'm interested in peeling them away and getting to know the real person. I am drawn to people who are in touch with themselves and can be genuine. I'm not really interested in people who have little self-awareness, and my direct, probing conversation will probably feel a bit weird and intrusive to them. I am chronically bad at small talk, to the point of being socially incompetent.
There is something about what I have seen on Chaturbate that is part of peeling away the social mask - in a sexual sense - that I find compelling. People's sexuality is allowed room to breath, and a group of viewers shower warmth and praise - and money - upon them. I can find it electrifying, intensely exciting, super hot, and at times something quite beautiful to behold. Not seedy or dirty or shameful - or any of the other nonsense we can internalise about sex - but simply beautiful.
So these are just some of the ways that Chaturbate confounded my expectations about cam sites - the communal nature of it, the way tipping works, the raw sexual power of much of what I've seen, plus the extraordinary breadth and diversity of the women and couples who broadcast on it. For me it has been a veritable explosion of sexual energy, freedom and expression.
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
Monday, 27 October 2014
Sunday, 26 October 2014
Camilla's Theme
This is a little guitar piece/riff I did for the fantastic Camilla Marie from Chaturbate, one of the most thoroughly nice and good-natured people you could ever imagine.
The riff came to me a few weeks ago, inspired by Camilla, and the 'Hail Camilla' header on her twitter page.
The Hail Camilla header suggested to me a powerful, screaming guitar riff - and I just put a soft, gentle melody with it as something for the riff to work against.
I couldn't record it well, couldn't get the sounds that I really wanted. To be honest, when it comes to recording, I don't really know what I am doing.
But I have recorded it, it is what it is, and really, for what it's worth, it's just meant as a little Thank You to Camilla. I don't get to see her nearly as often as I'd like on Chaturbate, but I'm very grateful for the times that I do.
You can find Camilla on Chaturbate at chaturbate.com/camillamarie/
Or on Twitter @itscamillamarie
Saturday, 25 October 2014
Friday, 24 October 2014
Thursday, 23 October 2014
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
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