This post is really an addendum to that earlier post, because while in that post I was talking generally about the ways Chaturbate surprised me and confounded all my preconceptions about what a cam site would be, in this post I want to focus on one individual who encapsulates that more than anyone else.
All of those things I wrote about before were, of course, general impressions that I formed in the first hours and days of using Chaturbate, and they were based on seeing a variety of broadcasters, but I can focus all of those impressions down, and trace their origin, to a single broadcaster, a single room, the point at which it all started for me.
And it all started for me with Eliza Schatz.
Eliza was one of the first women I ever saw on Chaturbate, one of the first I ever tipped, and it was probably her more than anyone else who made me sit up and take notice of the site and who made me realise that my preconceived ideas about cam sites were completely wrong and needed examining.
It was after I first saw Eliza that I felt motivated to buy tokens, to pay for a supporter membership, and to get properly involved in the site. My memory of it is that I went straight from looking at Eliza's bio on her Chaturbate page to looking at how I could buy tokens, to investigating what a 'supporter membership' actually meant, and to basically finding out how the site worked and how I could get involved.
Everything I have written about the ways in which Chaturbate confounded all my preconceptions about cam sites was encapsulated in Eliza's room.
Firstly, on the most superficial level, I found her to be extraordinarily hot. Of course I did. That would have been what drew me to her room in the first place.
But beyond the obvious fact of her beautiful, bedazzling, behatted hotness, in Eliza herself, and in her room in general, I saw so, so much more than I had ever expected from a cam site. My head was spinning from it.
Remember: this was my first time; what I'm talking about here is the first time I ever looked at Chaturbate - which was the first time I'd ever looked at any cam site. My head was still filled with nonsense about what a cam site would be.
But after only a short time in Eliza's room, I could feel all of my ignorant, uninformed preconceptions about cam sites crumbling to dust in my head; she exploded each and every one of them with military precision and nuclear force.
I'd always avoided cam sites because I assumed that they weren't for me. In my meagre imagination, all I'd pictured a cam site offering was a rather sterile, soulless, generic experience of a woman performing a pay-per-minute show for a generic male viewer - something I found about as erotic and enticing as being slapped around the face with a wet fish.
But how we imagine things to be, and how they actually are, are always two completely different things.
Eliza was incandescently beautiful, intelligent and funny, and super talkative, and she seemed to be making a real effort to engage with everyone in the chat, irrespective of whether the person could tip or not. This suggested a generosity of spirit to me that I really liked, and it exploded the preconception I had about a cam experience being solely a 'paid-for', bought experience - and again I want to emphasise that my issue with this is nothing to do with the money, it's all about the dynamic of it (I've written about this in previous posts).
The result of Eliza's non-demanding attitude towards tipping was that I immediately wanted to go and buy tokens so that I could tip. I have a contrary nature: the moment that anything is demanded of me, I absolutely will not want to give it, but it is at times when nothing is being demanded of me that I will want to give everything.
Maybe, from what I've seen over subsequent months, her generous nature works against her at times, and the whole issue of tipping is so fraught with anxiety for me that my opinions about the whole 'free' nature of Chaturbate have evolved over the months, and my opinions on the subject now are probably different to what they were a few months ago. Maybe this is something I'll return to in a future post, but for now I'm just talking about how I felt when I first discovered Chaturbate.
So, I was struck by Eliza's sparkling personality, her generous nature, her outstanding beauty - already the preconceptions I'd had about cam sites were falling apart in my head. But there was something else about her that struck me, and it was her uniqueness - her unique look and style, and how this extended to every aspect of her show. I got the impression that she was someone who cared about what she did, who wanted to make it as good as possible. And this didn't just apply to what was happening on camera; I remember being amazed by the quality of the bio on her Chaturbate page - and, like I said earlier, my memory of the time is that I went straight from her bio page to buying tokens for the first time.
The truth is that I saw something of the artist in Eliza, that her sexual expression was part of something larger, part of expressing a message of wholeness, of accepting and embracing and celebrating sexuality as part of what it means to be a complete human being.
Another preconception I had about cam sites was that the sexual performance would be somehow 'fake'. Well, Eliza certainly put that one to bed pretty quickly. But there was something else there too, something I've subsequently seen across a lot of Chaturbate, but it started with Eliza - and it was a sense of Eliza performing not for a male gaze, but on her own terms, for herself. And that, above all else, is probably the main reason why I have found Chaturbate to be so explosively exciting. (I've written more about this in an earlier post about Chaturbate and subverting gender roles.)
The communal nature of Chaturbate that I've written about elsewhere and love so much was something I first saw in Eliza's room. It seemed to be full of interesting, intelligent and funny people, and the topics of conversation were surprisingly diverse. The whole atmosphere was one of warmth, positivity and support for Eliza. I enjoyed being there. It seemed like a really cool place to hang out.
All of this taken together exploded every myth, every half-assed preconception I'd had about what a cam site would be. I'd expected something soulless and generic, a one-to-one experience of a woman performing on a pay-per-minute basis for a male gaze, but what I saw was uniqueness and individuality, blazing hotness, and a woman performing not for a male gaze but on her own terms for herself; and, of course, I saw the warmth, friendliness, support, positivity and humour of many of the wonderful people in the chat.
Chaturbate as a whole confounded every expectation I had about cam sites, but that cumulative effect had to start somewhere, with a single individual, and for me, without any doubt at all, it started with Eliza Schatz. In my mind, Chaturbate and Eliza will always be inextricably linked, and without Eliza there may well have been no Chaturbate for me, because I might not have stuck around, I might not have given it any time; I may well have just moved on and quickly forgotten about it. But in Eliza, and her room, I saw all the qualities that I grew to love about Chaturbate as a whole, but, for me, those qualities will always be encapsulated and embodied more in Eliza than anyone else. I am immensely grateful to her.
Eliza Schatz on Chaturbate and on Twitter.
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